Grown Up Talk

After watching a program on Michigan Television called Pain of Depression: A Journey Through the Darkness, I  commented to QueenMaker how nice it was that I was witnessing a grown-up conversation, full of insights, examples and scenarios that help me learn and understand the comprehensive subject at hand.  This is something that I was not accustomed to, but wholeheartedly welcomed and enjoyed. No yelling, no animosity, just a panel of experts from a court justice, mental health professionals, journalists, advocates, lawyers, judges, and scholars listening to the various scenarios and rendering their expert opinion on the facts, the known and realistic actions that will take place in each query posed to them. Don't worry there was always someone playing devil's advocate to offer an opposing position. I have watched these discussions on other subjects as well, always fascinating. 




Queenmaker told me it was because they were talking philosophy.  "Philosophy doesn't yell. Politics does. Philosophy seeks to understand.  Politics seek to dominate.  Believe, me, philosophy disengaged with politics years ago." 


Where did all the grown-ups dissolve to?


I think we need to find a philosophy...or something.

A Wistful Dear So-and-So

Dear Father-in-Law,

Could you please not get the Alzheimer disease yet?  I’m not prepared.  I didn’t know how quickly it would or could take hold.  You and Mom (an invalid) live an hour away.  Your job of taking care of your wife will become mine.  I am realizing that my life is going to be overtaken by your lives. Can I have a month or two to get used to the idea?  No.  Okay, I understand.

Love,

Your wistful daughter.

Dear Mother-in-law,

You’ve called in a panicked state the last two days since your husband has been in the hospital.  Because of your illness, emphysema and COPD, you have abrogated all thought processes to your husband for the last decade. So when you called me I said, “Step up to the plate. What happened to that woman that was a single mom, taking care of her kid, and working two jobs?  The woman who used to take care of business, the accountant, the avid reader, the capable woman I used to know? Don’t worry I will be there to do for you, but I won’t take over ALL of your responsibilities as you have given to your husband. You need to help me as much as you need me to help you.  Make some phone calls woman, ask questions, be a proactive advocate. You are not helpless.

Love,

Your Partner in Illness

Dear Life,

Why do you insist on changing on a dime?  What, did you see a dime on the ground? Did I step on it by accident?  Maybe it was someone else’s dime.  I know, I know.  I stepped on it anyways.  I won't fight it.

Regards,

Learning to Balance Life as It Comes

Visit 

President Obama and the Nobel Peace Prize

In my opinion, there is a strong reason why President Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize.  It was something almost imperceptible, but I'm sure I heard it, and even felt it myself.

It was the almost audible collective sigh that every nation gave when they heard he won the  U.S. Presidential election.

You know how satisfying a sigh can be, especially one of that magnitude.  A sigh of relief is one of the best feelings a world can experience.  So if one man can do that for the entirety of the world, if he can make it sigh, then by golly give him the prize!

Aunt Ellie Holds A Baby

Baby Holding - Awesome!

At a mere five pounds, he fits so perfectly in the crook of my arm.  It's been a while since I held a baby but it always feels so right.  The maternal gene kicks into high gear, a smile spreads across my face, a feeling of complete contentment comes over me, and it seems like I have found my calling.  I was born to hold babies.

Not necessarily have them.  Just hold them.

Missing Oneness

My guys are coming home.  QueenMaker and Beloved have been gone a week now.  They boarded a plane westward on a business trip. They also took a few days to see Redwood trees and visited Crater Lake.  They were looking forward to their trip as father and son.  They haven't spent much time alone before and as Beloved said, "This will be the first time we are going together as grown men.  I think I can be considered a grown man, don't you think Mom?" "Yes, baby. You're a grown man."

I get to experience the day on a totally different timetable.  I still take care of our business, but my days are less structured. When there is no one waiting at home I'll wander. I'll hang around.  I'll stay put longer. I'll stop at a bookstore. My day is mine to do what I wish.  I eat when I want and visit family and friends without looking to see if it's time to go home.

Of course, knowing this, my family has made all kinds of plans for me.  I don't mind.  It's always a good time to refresh family bonds.  But I allow myself to selfishly decline if I want. I never feel guilty when I say no because I need my alone time.

It's been a while since I have been completely alone.  I'm not a person that gets lonely.  I like solitude and seldom need the companionship of other humans.  But the feeling this week can only be described as empty.  My bed seems particularly cold this past week.   It's hard to sleep when the furnace of your life is away.

I'm ready to leave aloneness. I'm glad I can set aside this state of being until another time. It's an option that some people just don't have.  I miss my companions and the togetherness of our little trio.

Please bring them back safe to me.

            

Crater Lake

Mini Heroes that Change Your Life

It's after midnight here and technically it's no longer Friday, but after a long day of distracting minutia, I finally got to the meme topic for Sprite's Keeper Spin Cycle.  I have avoided memes in the past because truthfully, I didn't know what the word meant.  But thanks to Jen, I think I understand.

Beloved has taken to drawing famous characters or persons on backpacks, mailbags, and clothing.  He asked me to name a few characters in pop culture or history that I would want on a mailbag, people I admired or are my mini heroes. And without hesitation, three names came to mind. Bugs Bunny, Walter Cronkite, and Sgt. Hans Schultz.  Yes, yes, I know.  His left eyebrow went up too.

Anyways, here is my spin.

Name the people or characters that you grew up on that have changed your perspective on life.  They can't be anyone you have met before because that would be too easy.  As a kid growing up what had an influence on the way you look at the world today. Who made you sit up and take notice? Who became mini heros in your mind.

1.  Bugs Bunny.  - I learned a lot from Bugs Bunny.  He taught me the nuances of language.  He was  inquisitive, charming, honest and always in control of every situation.  I learned that you don't always have to be nice, that it was okay to be a "stinker." He used cunning and wit to outsmart his opponents.  It was okay to be sarcastic, irreverent, and even nasty at times.  When he looked at his audience and said, "Of course, you know (realize), this means war!" It meant I could stand up for myself.  I loved it when he said, "Whatta maroon! Whatta a ignoranious!" or "What a gulli-bull! What a nin-cow-poop."

2. Walter Cronkite - I sigh just saying his name.  I watched this man every night with my parents and fell in love with him. I remember wishing he was my uncle.  That voice was so soothing, his manner so forthright.  When he talked I listened. I believed. I knew I was getting it straight.  He exuded honesty, fairness, and integrity. He was a role-model of what I thought a mature adult should aspire to be. Years later I heard him described as the "most trusted man in America."  Too bad those days are long gone.

3. Sergeant Hans Schultz - As a kid, I loved this character on Hogan's Heros. He was so cuddly and cute. Schultz was definitely a lover not a fighter. In one episode it's learned that he is really a pacifist and owned a toy factory before the war.  I loved him even more.  What did I learn from Schultz?  That calling a person your enemy is not as cut and dry as one might think. That both sides in a conflict has its share of unwilling participants. It was hard to think of him as an enemy soldier or even a traitor to his own country. It was more that he wasn't a traitor to himself.

4. Carl Sagan - He taught me about the Cosmos.  I can still hear his voice and his unique way of phrasing a sentence.  He gave me an appreciation for everything stellar. He gave me a new way to think, beyond myself and my own little world.  One of his quotes stays with me today, "Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known."

5. Mother Teresa - I watched a documentary following Mother Teresa in Calcutta.  It was very hard to watch and I cried and cried from beginning to end.  The depth of her compassion defined for me what it is to have real strength, super human strength.  The depth of the poverty and suffering I witnessed in this film showed me a level of pain and suffering far beyond my imagination.  The depth of their need to be held and loved and to watch Mother Teresa compassionately cradling, stroking and loving the ill and the dying was too much for my soul to take.

I learned that I can never again complain about my life or my hardships again. They are infinitesimal, an affront to those that are truly suffering.  I learned that I truly lack nothing in this world. We in America are truly rich, even when we are poor. I understand that nothing I can experience can compare to what others around the world must endure.  Kiss the ground you walk on people!

6. Our Town - When I was a young girl, I watched a production of the play, Our Town, written by Thornton Wilder. One particular scene had a profound effect on me. The character Emily Webb, after dying in childbirth joins a group of dead souls in the local cemetery.  She discovers that she can revisit and witness any time in her past life. She chooses to go back to visit her family.  She's back in her mother's kitchen, watching her mother cook breakfast, her father at the table. She realizes that everything is so beautiful and she revels in every detail down to the wallpaper.  She tries to get her family to realize that every moment is precious, to realize and experience the joy of being together. But they cannot  hear her. For them it is just a routine morning and they are blind to the beauty of the moment. Emily's lesson is that human life is precious because it is fleeting.  It becomes too painful for her to remain among the living and she returns to the cemetery.

So I have learned to be in the moment as often as I can, especially when I am with the people I love.  When I visit my parents and sit in their kitchen having coffee, I look around. I experience the moment. I absorb every detail. I listen to the timber and vibration of their voices. I smell the coffee in the air. I feel the breeze from the window on my face. I look at my dad as he does his crossword puzzle, and how my mom's hair frames her face.  The beauty of the moment fills my soul.

7. Benjamin Franklin - How about this guy! What do I admire about this great historical figure? Let me count the ways.  Well I guess I won't because the roll call of his accomplishments already fills volumes and volumes. A scientist, inventor, printer, philosopher, economist, musician, statesman, and don't forget  a Founding Father. Huzzah! Founding Father in the house.  But under each of those categories or careers listed above you will find a list of accomplishments that boggles the mind.  When did he find the time to do so much? What energy! What stamina! Oh yes, let's add to the list, Lady's Man. If he were around today, I would be a groupie.

What did I learn from Benjamin Franklin? I learned to never be fearful of changing your career. Your job does not dictate who you are. If you are not happy with your career, change it. Never feel stuck. Change it a dozen times or be like Ben and do them all simultaneously.

"If you would not be forgotten, as soon as you are dead and rotten, either write things worth reading, or do things worth the writing." ~ B. Franklin

Introducing Great Aunt Ellie

Oh yes little ones, you are going to know me well.  I have the time and dare I say it the inclination to visit you every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday.  Your mommy just had a new baby, your new brother and brought him home this week.  She has joined the ranks of women who have three children under the age of four.

When I came to visit, you were both screaming at the top of your lungs and running around like whirling tops. As soon as I walked in you both decided it would be wildly funny to come over and start smacking me. Little girl started screaming at me to get out and generally maligning my character.  Kid, you barely know me.

I looked over at your Mom exhausted and staring out into space.  I heard that when her hubby came home the other day, she grabbed the keys and got in the car and had a good cry.

Now I know for sure that I was right to offer my services to her when she was in the hospital. Don’t worry; you will have the times of your lives when I am there.  So you will be more than happy to bend to my will. So kiddies, get ready, here comes Great Aunt Ellie.