“Well, that’s what you get for being so…” “What, What, being so what? You don’t know what you are talking about!” Or “You’re such an idiot!” “No, I’m not. You are!”
I will attribute this to the many years of conditioning, yelling, arguing, or telling secrets with my siblings and old friends. Maybe I miss the tete-a-tete, or maybe I am just crazy.
How exciting for crazy people. At first I thought more and more of us were all coming out of the closet. Based on anecdotal evidence the percentage of people talking to themselves in public seems to have risen significantly. Now of course, I realize that it isn’t the crazies that are talking out loud, it’s the normals.
A new technology has been introduced to the world that allows us to walk among the normals. We no longer have to hide the fact that we talk to ourselves. Now I can go out in public and talk away to the many people residing in me. I can have whole conversations or let my inner child playact, rehearsing imaginary dialogue out loud. I can gesticulate all I want, flailing my hands, pointing my finger to the sky to make a point. In the ancient times, in the twentieth century, people usually crossed the street.
But now it a new millennium, it’s the twenty-first century and I’m giving a shout out to the inventor of the Bluetooth earpiece. Now everyone sounds and acts crazy. While waiting in a line, for a split second I wonder if the person behind me is speaking to me. With a sideways glance I realize, “Ooooh, the person is on the phone,” which seems sane enough for some reason, even though they are staring out into space having what seems an imaginary argument with someone. My fears of standing next to a weirdo subside and the person will segue from the “possibly insane category” into “just really annoying category.” Yes, even crazy people are scared of other crazy people.
My route to work goes through the middle of a park. I’m used to seeing dozens of people walking or running on the walkway along the rode every day. But yesterday I noticed that some of the walkers are doing something bizarre. They are waving their hands and talking loudly to someone. What used to be a contemplative time has become “crazy person walking!” Honey, look at that woman. What is she doing? Poor thing. Why isn’t anyone with her? Ooooh, she’s on the phone. She seemed crazy a second ago. And that’s when the light in my head went off.
Now it is relatively easy to talk out loud whenever I want. So whenever someone looks up with a queer look on his or her face or when a whole room becomes silent because I made the mistake of saying something out loud, I can point to the cell phone and say, “Oh sorry, I’m on the phone.” (I really don’t have a cell phone. I just pretend I’m holding one. With my long wavy hair, no one can tell the difference.) They look so relieved, give me a little smile and nod their heads knowingly. Their world is right again.
So crazy people go right out and buy an earpiece for your phone. Wear it all the time. Or get the earpiece and don’t bother getting the phone. Go take a walk in the park, to the store, or even up and down your street. Talk loud, wave your hands about, and tell yourself some stories. If someone spots you, point to your earpiece and smile. You will fit right in because you can now hide among like things. Crazy no more. Priceless.
“That was a dumb post.” “So what, you didn’t even try to come up with anything better.”