Monday, March 1, 2010

Aging - One Lemon, One Lemonade

One Lemonade:

I've worn glasses since the first grade. I'm very nearsighted and my eyesight has progressively gotten worse over the years. My range of vision has gotten shorter and shorter that I feel more comfortable taking off my glasses and bringing whatever I'm working on right up to my nose.

But aging also means that now I need bifocals. Stupid aging. I hate you. I can't bring things right up to my nose anymore. I loathe the whole bifocal experience. But when I remove my glasses, my range of clear vision is now at a range of only 5 inches to 10 inches from my face.

QueenMaker is farsighted and also needs reading glasses. But because of that stupid aging thing, his range has diminished quite a bit as well. His range of clear vision is from 24 to 30 inches.

After hugging me the other day, he extended his arms and held me far enough away so he could see me clearly.


Me: You mean you can't see me clearly?

QM: Nope, can't see you at all. I mean I can see you, but not clearly.

Me: You mean that you can't see my face. It's blurry?

QM: Right. You have to be at least two feet away before I can see your face clearly.

Me: You mean no matter how old I look, you can't see the wrinkles or lines on my face?

QM: Right. Not up close at least. And really, not far away either because at 24 o 30 inches your facial features aren't as prominent at that distance. It's like you have a soft filter on your face.

Me: You mean like in the movies? That means you will always see me in your mind's eye as I was, not as I am. I will always be youthful and beautiful, with a soft glow. 


QM: I guess that's true. 

Me: Yahoo! What a perk. That makes me so happy. I could be an old hag, with a giant pimple or wart on my nose and you wouldn't know the difference would you?

QM: No. But I'm sure someone would warn me or something.

Me: Yahoo! Just think of it. You can't see me aging and I can't really see you aging either. That takes a load of my mind. I will from this time forward be timeless.


I danced merrily out of the room to look for a mirror.



One Lemon - When lemonade gets turned back into sour lemons, the flip-side.

My 49 year old sister who SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER, decided to go sledding with her 11 year old daughter. Everything went well the first five runs down the hill until on the sixth, when her sled hit a giant bump. She landed on her tailbone and compressed three of her disks. She is in agony.

Apparently it is a common injury that could have been very serious, in some cases causing paralysis. After some research on the internet, she said, "I should have checked the internet first before I went sledding."

Shouldn't we all check with the internet before we do anything?

Seriously. As a middle aged woman, shouldn't she know that speeding uncontrollably down a hill is never a good idea? Doesn't she remember that summer when her rollerblades caught the edge of a driveway and sent her hurdling forward, cracking both elbows? She had to wear casts that rendered her helpless. She walked around with her arms in a perpetual, "This is a hold up! Hands in the air!" kind of position. She couldn't feed, dress, or wipe herself for weeks.


Remember people. The body hates impact. It will make you pay.



So if you’re into high impact or prefer softer speed bumps, sled on over to Keely’s, oh sorry, I mean Bitchin' Wives Clubfor some high speed and invigorating Random Tuesday Thoughts, but put your glasses on first.

7 comments:

jpooh said...

I was so tickled about your husband not being able to see your wrinkles that I was totally unprepared for the story about your sister.

OUCH.

Poor woman; is she going to be all right?

Jan from the Sushi Bar

jpooh said...

I was so tickled about your husband not being able to see your wrinkles that I was totally unprepared for the story about your sister.

OUCH.

Poor woman; is she going to be all right?

Jan from the Sushi Bar

Middle Aged Woman said...

Normally, I would want to take you both out and get glasses for you, but you sound happier this way...oh, and Keely isn't hosting this week, Amy at Bitchin' Wives Club is!

The Crazy Coxes said...

I was feeling bad that your husband couldn't see...but it's actually working out for the best!

Your poor sister. I am totally against exercise of any kind. It will kill you!

Happy RTT!

♥ Kathy said...

That was too cute..happy RTT

I am Harriet said...

Bifocals are wonderful!!! You'll love them.


Enjoy your RTT.
http://harrietandfriends.com/2010/03/this-is-good-tigertext-an-iphone-app-for-cheating-spouses-getting-it/

Captain Dumbass said...

Sledding is insane, it always ends badly.

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