Aging - One Lemon, One Lemonade

One Lemonade:

I've worn glasses since the first grade. I'm very nearsighted and my eyesight has progressively gotten worse over the years. My range of vision has gotten shorter and shorter that I feel more comfortable taking off my glasses and bringing whatever I'm working on right up to my nose.

But aging also means that now I need bifocals. Stupid aging. I hate you. I can't bring things right up to my nose anymore. I loathe the whole bifocal experience. But when I remove my glasses, my range of clear vision is now at a range of only 5 inches to 10 inches from my face.

QueenMaker is farsighted and also needs reading glasses. But because of that stupid aging thing, his range has diminished quite a bit as well. His range of clear vision is from 24 to 30 inches.

After hugging me the other day, he extended his arms and held me far enough away so he could see me clearly.


Me: You mean you can't see me clearly?

QM: Nope, can't see you at all. I mean I can see you, but not clearly.

Me: You mean that you can't see my face. It's blurry?

QM: Right. You have to be at least two feet away before I can see your face clearly.

Me: You mean no matter how old I look, you can't see the wrinkles or lines on my face?

QM: Right. Not up close at least. And really, not far away either because at 24 o 30 inches your facial features aren't as prominent at that distance. It's like you have a soft filter on your face.

Me: You mean like in the movies? That means you will always see me in your mind's eye as I was, not as I am. I will always be youthful and beautiful, with a soft glow. 

QM: I guess that's true. 

Me: Yahoo! What a perk. That makes me so happy. I could be an old hag, with a giant pimple or wart on my nose and you wouldn't know the difference would you?

QM: No. But I'm sure someone would warn me or something.

Me: Yahoo! Just think of it. You can't see me aging and I can't really see you aging either. That takes a load of my mind. I will from this time forward be timeless.


I danced merrily out of the room to look for a mirror.



One Lemon - When lemonade gets turned back into sour lemons, the flip-side.

My 49 year old sister who SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER, decided to go sledding with her 11 year old daughter. Everything went well the first five runs down the hill until on the sixth, when her sled hit a giant bump. She landed on her tailbone and compressed three of her disks. She is in agony.

Apparently it is a common injury that could have been very serious, in some cases causing paralysis. After some research on the internet, she said, "I should have checked the internet first before I went sledding."

Shouldn't we all check with the internet before we do anything?

Seriously. As a middle aged woman, shouldn't she know that speeding uncontrollably down a hill is never a good idea? Doesn't she remember that summer when her rollerblades caught the edge of a driveway and sent her hurdling forward, cracking both elbows? She had to wear casts that rendered her helpless. She walked around with her arms in a perpetual, "This is a hold up! Hands in the air!" kind of position. She couldn't feed, dress, or wipe herself for weeks.


Remember people. The body hates impact. It will make you pay.



So if you’re into high impact or prefer softer speed bumps, sled on over to Keely’s, oh sorry, I mean Bitchin' Wives Club, for some high speed and invigorating Random Tuesday Thoughts, but put your glasses on first.

Pet Peeves - Not My Cup of Tea

Pet Peeves – A new Spin Cycle.  Okay mine might be a little preachy.  But isn't that what pet peeves are all about.  

One of my pet peeves is people with pet peeves.  They make life so negative some times. They start by saying things like, 

“I hate it when…”  or  “It drives me crazy when…”   or   “I can’t stand it when…”

When I hear these words I feel like I’m being drawn into their minor hate, or craziness, or intolerance.  I can feel a migraine coming on right now just writing those words.

Pet peeve is defined as a source of annoyance or irritation. Ouch, your negative aura just increased by 2 degrees. I’ll stand over here.

Their psyche apparently snaps to attention when they meet their pet peeve, or let’s admit, any peeve at all.  A pet peeve is a drama in the miniature, one that resides in a room of a beautifully furnished peeve dollhouse in one’s head.

They correct you constantly whenever possible.  Seemingly normal people transform, morphing into your parents, your teachers, your bitchy girlfriends, your blaming boyfriend, or your nosy neighbors.  Some stay silent but make a small judgment call on your character, intelligence, or obvious inferiority.

Even if they understand exactly what you are trying to say, they will stop you in mid-sentence to correct your grammar, your metaphor, even your thought process.  And you know how much I love that.  My husband belongs to the Grammar Police Association (GPA). I think he’s a General now within this esteemed organization. 

I don’t mind that people have pet peeves as long as they're, there, their tirades are not directed at me.   If something really bugs them that much, I guess they are entitled to voice their extreme displeasure.  I have relatives that are light years ahead of the rest of us in the scope of pet peeve annoyances and irritations. I barely can be around them. I can only soothe them, bring some perspective, and offer alternatives views to their complaining, whining, and eternal accounts of despair and irritation. 

My happy brain cells are finite and must be retained at all costs.  I need to worry about peeves that are worthy of my time and effort. I’ve dropped the peeves at the low end of the scale. I can’t afford to let my head think in terms of what drives it crazy. I need to think of things that give me solace. 

But a pet peeve is nothing, nothing compared to what should really be bothering them. 


Maybe that’s it!  A pet peeve may be part of the every day distracting minutia that they can focus on, to avoid the things that go deeper beyond mere irritation or annoyance, a safety valve if you will.  Gee, I'm all for that.  

I guess we need pet peeves. I've changed my position. Carry on. 

So carry on to Sprite's Keeper to read more about some really great pet peeves.