Father's Day - The Emotional Roller-coaster Ride of Manhood

Go over to the Spin Cycle. Topic is Father's Day.  Enjoy all the great reads.


Father's Day was a hoot. I know of five arguments that broke out that day. Some serious, some not so serious, but it made for a really weird weekend. It emphasized how stressed out everyone is, especially the men in the family.

I feel sorry for guys sometimes. I was brought up in the "knight in shining armor" era, a fantasy held by many young women of my age. While my man was courting me, I fell in love with him because he was funny, brilliant, and talented. He did so many things well. Maybe that's why I thought he could fix anything and everything. Geez, wasn't he a husband and dad, a man ready to take on all problems and solve them.

Men come home to the news that a pipe busted, the refrigerator stopped working, the car broke down, or the sewer backed up. Then all eyes in his loving family look to him to fix it.

"What do you mean you don't know what you are doing? You're A Man."

And if you don't have the extra cash to pay for large repairs, men will get down and dirty and learn by doing, bitching and swearing all the way, coming up for air, red-faced, venting about the hour they just spent trying to dislodge a part that just won't budge.

We learn that they are as vulnerable and as fallible as we are. When reality pushed my fantasy aside, I realized we were in it together.  Together sounded good, fair and even empowering. How fair was it for me to think he could fix everything that went wrong in my life, just because he was the lead man in the family?

I realized that most men are really just the boys their mamas and daddys raised. Men need their women just as much as women need their men. In the beginning, we are all just inexperienced grown up kids before we become wise old farts.

Father's Day is usually a very nice day with events celebrating all the dads in our family. This weekend was an exception. It was a very weird weekend.

My brother-in-law picked a fight with my sister because, well, it was Father's Day.

My other brother-in-law picked a fight with my other sister, because, it was Father's Day.

My mother-in-law and her son, my husband, exchanged a few heated words. It was about to become a full emotional blow out but luckily cooler heads prevailed when the subject was changed. They let it go.

I thought I was going to have an argument with my hubby, when I told him he should apologize to his mum. But he would have nothing to do with it. He refused to budge on his position and I really couldn't argue with him, because he was basically right. Argument averted. Yeah.

My brother-in-law tried again and decided to pick a fight with the rest of his extended family via email accusing us of not doing enough in the care of our elders. We did not take the bait.

As my generation gets older, new responsibilities begin to emerge. As our parents age or pass away, sons everywhere are endowed with the title of Head of the Family. It's is a hard one to resolve sometimes, I suspect. I also suspect that the enormity of that bring men in any family down.

For some, this is the first year without their dads.

Several with mothers with latter stages of depression, Alzheimer's, and lung disease. Without adequate funds and no females family members, it's sometimes hard to cope emotionally with the highly personal task of caregiver and all that the job entails. They are stuck and want to escape, but can't.

So Father's Day, a day celebrating men and fatherhood. This particular Father's Day was a day full of problems with the women in their lives. They don't want the title of being patriarch of the family, that belonged to their dear departed fathers. There is a lot of guilt, stress and melancholy when dealing with their moms. They have to step in and take over the roles of their fathers, becoming their mothers' advocates, care-giver, financial advisor, and sometimes, her companion.

Stressed out fathers? Yes.
Feel like celebrating Father's Day today.  No.

Travel Companions

I have found over the years that I love traveling with my husband. Whether that be running around doing our weekly errands or a weekend road trip.


The two of us tooling down the road ready for high adventure, even if the adventure is just driving to the local fruit market. Always prepared, Queen Maker packs cold water and coffee. On longer excursions there are oranges, apples and sometimes trail mix and jerky. We bring our own coffee bean and coffee maker just to make sure we have an amble supply of the luscious brew.

The car is a comfortable traveling sanctuary.  We talk and talk. We listen to great music. We munch and crunch all the way down the highway. Rarely does either one of us sleep on long road trips. We take turns pulling out our notebooks writing down our thoughts and ideas. We are quiet together too.

A car meant adventure. We're on the road and who knows what the road will bring. Adventure was possible. Yes there were flat tires. I cried when I locked the keys in the car at a Kentucky rest stop. Almost running out of gas. Bad hotels and even worse restaurants.

We once found the only restaurant in the Western Hemisphere that could make a breakfast taste awful. Before we went into the restaurant, I made the mistake of saying, "How can you ruin breakfast? It's just two eggs, potatoes, and toast." Well, it can be done.

But there were also the unexpected little restaurants with atmosphere and great food. Lovely evenings in our hotel room. The crowd that gathered at the rest stop to help sooth me and help retrieve my keys. The Michigan State Trooper who changed our tire for us. The massive brown eagle we saw on the road. The surprising rest stop with a path to two gorgeous waterfalls and a small box canyon.

A car meant freedom. When we borrowed our parents' car, we felt freedom for a few hours. And when we  got older and could afford our own, freedom was complete.

A car is a time machine. Only Brother described the car as a time machine and I understood what he meant immediately. Queen Maker and I used to ride our bikes or walk everywhere. Distance didn't matter much to us. We rode our bikes miles and miles. We walked four miles a day to each other's house. A car was a time machine that gave you back minutes. It cut down travel time and returned them to you, allowing you to go further and get there faster.

So a rode trip is in our future. We haven't been on one for a long time. We were thinking about flying to our destination. An airplane might be the ultimate time machine but right now, it doesn't sound attractive at all.

So we will pack up our car with all the comforts of home, with the things we love to eat and hear and drink. We will listen to each other carefully. We'll marvel at the landscape. And the coffee will be flowing. We will enjoy each other's company and hold hands for miles and miles and miles.